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Miscellaneous
artilces from Tyrone Issue #1
Wtf?
by Pariah
To this
day I still don't understand how some high ranking people
in the ascii scene have become what they are. Some of you,
are looked upon as legends yet produce art that isn't exactly
superior, and is achingly mediocre. Granted you have nice
signature styles, and try to cover up the mediocreness of
your art with "its 100% original baby" or even,
"I could do better, but I'm trying to be creative".
If you're honest with yourself, you stick "100% Original"
on something that doesn't look good, an excuse of sorts.
Another thing I don't understand, is some of these so called
legends act as if they are the pinnacle of what ascii should
be, when in reality they're kicking a style that might have
been innovative years ago, but is worn down compared to
newer artists now. The thing that aggrivates me the most,
is that these "legends" who produce mediocre art
compared to newer artists seem to boast high standards in
what they like in ascii, and worst of all, like to criticize,
or even give advice. In a way it's Confucianism in the ascii
scene, and I've never been fond of Confucianism.
Don't get me wrong, I actually DO respect certain "legends"
but only those who have shown they can adapt to the modern
styles that artists are using, and if they can't, in my
eyes they're old innovators, but certainly not everlasting
legends.
I know all you ascii veterans (I'm referring to NEWSCHOOL
veterans, an oxymoron in itself) are boiling right now,
"How dare that fool pariah attack ME?" you're probably thinking..
Basically it all comes down to only criticizing what you
know you're capable of doing, because once you criticize
anything that you yourself couldn't draw/achieve you're
a sophomoric fool, perhaps experienced in time, but young
stylistically.
To be honest I don't respect the majority of the ascii scene,
so if you want to take offense, be my guest.. Half of you
center yourselves around your repetitive, or just plain
primitive styles and boast to be the best.. If you stopped
labeling things as "Colored Ascii" or "Ansi" or "100%
Ascii the way it should be" and started looking at
things as computer art you'd learn to respect several artists
you foolishly ignored and become much more critical of your
own age old styles.
Lastly, since I do respect certain "legends" and
artists, I'm going to list them below.. just so they don't
take the offensive and bitch like monkeys.. Discyple, Msd,
Khz, Endless Nameless, Cain, Polymorph, Haji, and The Prodigy.
If I "forgot" you, it was on purpose..
<asciiGUY>
If its called newschool why are some people drawing it 1980
style?
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HOW
TO USE YOUR MAD ASCII SKILLZ TO PICK UP CHIKKIEZ - CONFESSIONS
OF A TRUE ASCII PIMP
by
: jamiroquai(ACK) / RMRS+AVNG+WU-TRANK+WPALW+ASPH
<aCk_>
y03! I like, the other day, drew these d00dles, right? And
I
like, took them to school, right? And I showed them to the
mad chickies
right? And dey were like, "y03, 4ck@#$@# y03 d0 s0m3
k-wr4d d3wdl3z,
br0!@#!@ 4nd y3w h4ve 4 n1c3 4ss t3w@!#$!"
Has
that ever happened to you? If it has, then you are among
the elite of the scene. You join the ranks of a grand devision
of "psyburpympz". They truely are a mad breed,
utilizing their unique talents in ascii to procure the affections
of mindless snob cheerleaders across the nation. YES! I
KNOW YOU WANT THAT!!!
I know
what you are thinking! You are thinking, "Dang, ACK! How
can I achieve the level of mad ascii pimping that you have?"
Well... I'll tell you. You know that old song "Who Wrote
the Book of Love?" WELL! I DID!!! YES! ME! The origional
title was "How to Act Like a Female Preeteen To Get Some
Nasty Cyberluvin'", but my editor advised me to retitle
it.
Hmmm... this is a long story... A few weeks ago, I was approached
by an incredibly beautiful girl at my school. She said to
me, "y03, 4ck@#$@# [[Author's NOTE: Everybody calls me ACK,
because I rule.]] 3y3 l0v3 y0u. 3y3 pr3t3nd w3 4r3 m4k1ng
l0v3 s0 much 3y3 h4v3 n03 71m3 ph0r 4n337h1ng 3ls3!@#!@
fUkk m3, 4ck@#$@# r1gh7 n0w@#$@#$ 1n 7h3 h4ll#@$#@$%#@$"
Well... you know what I did? Well... I slapped her in the
face. I said, "Look, bitch! Don't talk to me like I am some
kind of fucking hemmorhoid! We will fuck tomorrow! Now go
home!" And she did... Yes. That was one prime example of
my mad pimpin skills.
Using ascii to improve your pimpin skillz is not really
a tool. It's a method. You must approach a bitch like you
approach an ascii. Well, ok. Maybe ascii is more of a tool...
Ok. This is how I got started. In 1993 I was an absolute
geek. I was shunned by women. They were constantly saying
to me, "g0 4w4y, 4ck! y0u d0n'7 dr4w 4sc11, kun7knuckl3@$@#$@"
But then, I saw the light. ASCII: THE COMPUTER ART MEDIUM
OF THE FUTURE!!! God said that to me in a dream. Do I started
to draw, and guess what!@# It cleared up my acne, made my
penis larger, and cured my chronic foot odor. I was a real
pimp!
I started wearing leisure suits, slicking back my hair,
and saying phat phrases like, "Howz my bitch?" and "Slap
my 'fro!" And the chicks loved me. They loved me! I was
flooded by hordes of teenie-boppers. They would mob me in
shopping malls, and rip off my clothing. They would fight
over the scraps of my clothing like animals! "My g0d!@#"
I would say, "This is kinda kinky!"
And to believe it all started the day I bought my first
d00dle to school. I stepped out of my ride that morning,
with a laptop under each arm, and my leisure suit and felt
coat on my body. I was the center of attention. One daring
female walked over, and asked me directly, "What are the
laptops for?" I told her, "For your eyes only, baby." (<<---Notice
the pimp lingo1@#@!)
So I popped open one of the laptops, and showed her an ascii
I had done the night before. She could not contain herself.
She moaned loudly, and began to rup her thighs together.
WHOA! I had to take her back to the ride to chill her out.
Needless to say, it was a very good day.
Well... now that you have read this, you to can become an
ascii pimp. To learn more, send 25 dollars and 59 cents
to:
ACK
a/k/a Little G
P.O. BOX 187
Mobile, Alabama 66666
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